Idiot claims he can't spot 'fake news' that's obviously fake

A MAN keeps getting taken in by ‘fake news’ that is obviously dodgy to anyone with a semi-functioning brain.

Wayne Hayes regularly regurgitates bollocks off the internet, even if it has a blatant agenda or is about how werewolves are real.

Hayes said: “Fake news looks so convincing. There’s just no way of telling the difference between ‘Floods in East Anglia’ and ‘UFO fires energy beam at F-15 in undisclosed location’.

“When I’m sitting at my computer browsing stories from my preferred news source, Facebook, how on earth am I meant to check whether something’s true? I don’t live in a fucking library.

“During the referendum I read a lot of stuff like ‘EU planning Sharia law in UK’. With something as serious as that it’s best to be on the safe side and vote Leave. It’s called logic.

“Also why bother to check something if it comes from a reputable-sounding organisation like ‘The British Freedom Network’?”

However co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “I don’t think Wayne is exactly fooled by fake news, he just believes things that support his political views, like when he assured me Jeremy Corbyn was ‘still in the IRA’.

“Although he is a credulous fucknut who believes there are ‘bigfoot villages’ too.”

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A Brexit deal is tantalisingly close as long as the EU completely reverses its position overnight, by Theresa May

WE have entered the endgame for Brexit. I am optimistic that a deal is possible within the next 48 hours if the EU completely reverses its position.

We are very close. It could be later today that Michael Barnier announces they are abandoning all this backstop business, Britain can be in the single market for goods and services for free, and our fishermen will have every ocean as their playground.

Perhaps it will take until tomorrow morning for the EU to admit that its privileges of membership, its so-called ‘Four Freedoms’, are actually available to non-members if they just ask enough times. Perhaps tomorrow evening, so we can all sit down and enjoy Pointless without having to worry about Brexit for another minute.

Either way, the deal is on the table ‘in spirit’ and only requires a little movement on their par. I cannot compromise because the democratic will of the people forbids it, but the EU hasn’t had a referendum so I don’t see why they can’t meet me halfway.

Any negotiation is about give and take. I have given them several of my hard stares, such as Paddington gives in the film Paddington 2.

So a Brexit deal is about to happen. As soon as they give in. Or, alternatively, I could capitulate, agree to the deal we already agreed last December, and pluck up the courage to disagree with 10 DUP MPs  instead of 27 EU countries.

Either way, definitely within 48 hours. Splendid.