I’m more of a glass half-full person, says Brexiter

A BREXITER has confirmed that he is one of those people who always looks on the sunny side. 

Roy Hobbs believes that any troubles, whether a flat tyre or a national debt of £2 trillion, can be defeated with a smile on your lips and a can-do attitude. 

He continued: “All around me, people are dooming and glooming about everything from rocketing food prices to right-wing extremism. 

“But you know what I do? I look those worries square in the eye and I say ‘Hey – it’s all going to be okay.’ 

“Things like rewriting trade agreements and replacing four decades of UK law are only as difficult as you make them, in my experience. With the right attitude those mountains are nothing but molehills. 

“Problems, whether a fractured, directionless government, a plummeting pound or a 41 per cent rise in hate crimes, are just opportunities I haven’t met yet. Buck up, everyone!” 

Colleague Nathan Muir said: “Roy is optimistic about everything, to an almost reality-blotting degree. 

“Apart from immigrants. He’s very negative about them.”

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Not too many people on Facebook complaining about new porn laws

VERY few people on Facebook are complaining about proposed new laws on pornography, it has emerged.

After the government announced a list of sex acts Britons will now longer be able to watch, social media users have unusually failed to make any sort of outcry.

Facebook user Susan Traherne said: “I don’t agree with what they’re proposing but there is no chance I’m going to go on Facebook and say that.

That would mean people would know I was watching porn, and pretty weird porn at that.

“I reckon I’ll post something about climate change instead.”

Wayne Hayes, from Swindon, said: “I don’t care if people know that I watch porn, I don’t see why in a free society I shouldn’t be able to watch it.”

If the government persists then I will chain myself to a sex shop in protest. I’ll be able to get the handcuffs and chains there as well.”