Mums treating cold weather like deadly radiation

MUMS are treating the fairly cold weather as if it were lethal radiation, it has been confirmed.

Mothers have confirmed that anyone who goes outside for prolonged periods without numerous protective layers is doomed, as they would be in the aftermath of a nuclear incident.

Sixth-former Nikki Hollis said: “I’m only going half a mile to school, but from my mum’s 10-minute interrogation you’d think I was about to open the airlock of a bunker and step into the radioactive wasteland.

“We have these bizarre ‘negotiations’ where she makes me put on more clothes. Today I had the choice of sweating like a pig in my big winter jacket or looking like a knob in my old Snoopy bobble hat.

“Whenever we’re outside she thinks it’s a race against time to get back indoors to safety.”

Hollis’s mother Emma Bradford said: “It sounds silly but I bought some surplus US army radiation suits on the internet and sewed fleecy linings into them.”