Saturday, 11th July 2020

'I'm saving so much money!' says twat who can't read the room

A TONE-DEAF twat is excitedly sharing how much money he is saving during the lockdown.

Tom Booker is telling anyone who will listen that he looks set to save thousands of pounds over the next few months because he is unable to go out and piss it up the wall.

Booker, a management consultant, said: “The news is telling us that the pandemic is all doom and gloom, but my bank balance begs to differ.

“I know some people have got it into their heads that they’re feeling the pinch, but just think of how much money you’re saving now you’re not commuting or splashing out on a slap-up meal every night.

“If you’re on a grossly inflated salary like me, soon you’ll have so much money you won’t know how to spend it. Personally, I’m going to withdraw a stack of fifties and roll around with them in bed naked.

“In fact I’ll probably put so much aside I’ll be able to ride out the impending financial crash without even noticing.”

Shop worker Nikki Hollis said: “Why is it always the bellends who survive?”