Inset day designed to push parents to limit of mental strength

A SCHOOL that added an extra day onto the end of the holidays did it because they enjoy torturing parents, it has emerged.

Rather than using the time for training, staff at St Peter’s Secondary School spent the morning standing at the staff room window laughing at the horrified reactions of parents who arrived to find the gates still locked.

Headteacher Carolyn Ryan said: “Parents always turn up at the beginning of term moaning about how insanely tiring it is having the children all day, but parenting is a piece of piss in comparison to teaching.

“They whine after spending six weeks taking their kids to farm parks, but they should try teaching forty of them long division whilst simultaneously trying to stop them getting high from marker pens.

“It was a real morale booster for the staff to see them almost start crying when they realised they’d forgotten the inset day.”

Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Even if the teachers are doing training they should be able to just put the children in a room, toss some biscuits in and lock the door.”

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‘The Hipster’ now a wrestling character

THERE is a character called The Hipster on the provincial wrestling circuit, it has emerged.

The Hipster, aka 29-year-old Martin Bishop, made his debut at Swindon Services Club’s Wrestle Frenzy II event, where he rode a fixed-wheel bike into the ring while pretending to sip a cup of artisan coffee.

After a few moments of confusion the crowd began to enthusiastically boo the character, who declared “I am here to gentrify your ugly working class asses” and offered insults including “Your local arts scene is like something from 1996”.

The Hipster’s signature move is the Retro Rumble, where he throws vintage games consoles at opponents. However his bout with popular local wrestler The Tormentor end after two rounds when he was smashed in the face with a step-ladder, amid much cheering.

Wrestling fan Norman Steele said: “I don’t know what a hipster is, at first I assumed he would just have wide child-bearing type hips.

“I soon got the general idea though, he’s just supposed to be a twat.”