Internet argument resolved

AN ARGUMENT on the internet has been resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.

The conclusion of the dispute, which began in October 1998 on a message board abandoned by everyone else in 2002, has given hope to the rest of the internet.

Bill McKay said: “We’re pretty sure the argument began over The X-Files, though we actually disagreed even on that for most of 2009.

“Since then it’s ranged across Richard Dawkins, Keynesian economics, dream Justice League line-ups, the standardisation of European shoe sizes and smartphone operating systems, ‘Godwinising’ a record 43,378 times.

“It’s been a full-time job, so I’m lucky that I have the kind of full-time job where they assume if I’m typing I’m working.”

Bill, also known as FlyingBoy, and his interlocutor, Electr0m0nk, have spent more than a decade locked in argument, a full year of which was spent shouting “STRAW MAN!” at each other.

The pair, who estimate they cut-and-pasted sections from every page on Wikipedia in attempts to back up their prejudices with evidence, now count themselves friends.

Bill said: “We finally settled our differences, agreed that we’d both learned a lot from each other, closed the message board and moved on.

“I hope it can teach others that arguing on the internet is completely worthwhile, as long as you never give up. Never.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
You’ve followed the trend of naming your kid after the circumstances of its conception, and Grudging Attempt To Save Marriage is doing just fine.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Walking out of the shop wearing a chinchilla hat and mink coat, you’re told by your friends that they actually wanted you to support Fair Trade.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
This week, why not grow a stupid-shaped beard, pretend you’re a street magician and convince strangers to throw their phone under a bus?

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Human Resources take a dim view this week of your claim that ‘breaking your foot kicking your boss in the jewels’ counts as a stress-related illness.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Your therapist has described alcohol as a ‘coping mechanism’ and this Friday you intend to cope yourself into a stupor.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Sanctions against a country that has natural resources and manpower coming out of its cold, implacable ears. Yes, that’ll show them.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
For Lent, you’ve decided to give up resisting the urge to strip naked and scream at passing traffic at a busy intersection smeared in toothpaste.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
Your local vicar seems unimpressed when you wake him up at 6am on Monday to show that your scrotum sort of looks like Jesus.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Scorpions. You’re just lobsters that have been through a bitter divorce, aren’t you?

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your eyes meet with the person on the running machine next to you at the gym this week as they try to work out why you’re smoking a fag.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You realise you’ve become too involved in the show True Detective this Friday when your spouse asks how your day has been and you refuse to tell them until they get you a six-pack of Lone Star and a carton of Lucky Strikes.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Thizzle horoscizzle izzle sponsizzled bizzle Snizzle Dizzle.