Internet exposing youngsters to shite

PARENTS’ groups are demanding government action to protect their children from all the shite on the internet.

Mother-of-two Mary Fisher said: “Children are being exposed to shite from a very young age.

“There was shite around when I was little but it was on telly and we watched it as a family so my parents could explain how and why things like Howard’s Way got made.

“With laptops and iPads they could be accessing inane animal footage, game shows and celebrity news bulletins and all that crap will fill up the bits of their brains that should contain maths.”

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Obama confuses Osborne with someone who has a soul

PRESIDENT Obama has apologised for confusing George Osborne with a man who is known to have a soul.

Obama repeatedly called the chancellor ‘Jeffrey Osborne’, who is actually the singer of the soulful ballad On The Wings Of Love.

The president said: “I would like to apologise unreservedly to Jeffrey Osborne.

“It was slip of the tongue and in no way did I mean to imply Jeffrey was the grinning, clammy-handed archetype of ‘the man’.”