THE stupidest breeds of dog have been announced, but is your imbecile of a man’s best friend among them? Find out:
Spaniel
What’s worse than a half-wit? An enthusiastic, eager-to-please halfwit, determined to delight you by f**king up your whole life. That’s a spaniel, bouncing around like a Space Hopper without the intelligence, breaking your stuff and hoping for praise.
Bulldog
Entirely as thick as they f**king look, the bulldog is muscular, athletic, has a protruding jaw and deep-set eyes, but sadly the resemblance to the bouncer at a provincial nightclub ends there. It wouldn’t even be able to identify sports casual clothing. As a symbol for Britain? Apt.
Border Terrier
Of that special subnormal IQ that causes the cretin to believe the whole world revolves around them, these unpleasantly yappy twats cannot hear the postman arrive without being overwhelmed by the stimuli and going apeshit. Short man syndrome in a dog.
Bloodhound
Interestingly, only able to follow scents for long distances by being such dumbf**ks they’re barely aware the rest of the world exists. Miserably-jowled with lightless eyes and stupidly large ears, owning one is an admission you need something in this world to feel superior to.
Pug
You can’t be clever with a face like that. Attempting to train a pug not to shit in the kitchen is an exercise in idiocy: you’re stupid for trying it, the pug’s too stupid to understand, the entire world is slightly more moronic for it going on.
Border Collie
Considered intelligent, but it’s a very specific kind of intelligence. The kind that’s useful on a farm herding sheep but not the kind that ever learns what a car is or why the passing of one doesn’t require a state of high alert. Imagine inviting a farmer into your home to watch Pointless. Would he do well? Exactly.
