It is possible, says woman who survived four-year relationship with twat

A WOMAN who survived four years with a knobhead has given hope to humanity.

27-year-old Mary Fisher went out with a dick called Paul for the length of a presidential term.

Fisher said: “To be honest, the four years went by just like that. It’s scary, really. Where does the time go?

“I was continually thinking about dumping him but you know how it is, he’d do something dickish like selling my bike at Cash Converters to go out on the piss, then be massively apologetic so that I’d take pity on him.

“Looking back I have no idea what I was playing at, which I imagine might become a familiar sensation to quite a few Americans. Anyway it’s over now, and it could be over for you in November.”

She added: “I definitely wouldn’t go out with him for another four years though. I need to make that very clear. No way.”

Ask Holly: What's happening up there on Earth?

Dear Holly,

It’s suddenly ever so nippy down here in Hell. All the fires have gone out, there are icicles hanging from the ceiling and even the Great Lake of Pitch has started to freeze over. I’m wearing two jumpers and some bed socks but I’m still chilled to the bone. I think there is something seriously wrong with the Satanic thermostat – what’s going on up there on Earth?

Lucifer

Hell 

Dear Lucifer,

Everyone knows girls can’t be President of America. Girls are supposed to be Princesses. They don’t do boring mannish stuff like run a country wearing ugly suits. Princesses spend their time brushing their long golden hair, singing pretty songs and talking to woodland creatures. Once in a while we’re allowed to do empowering stuff like turn the kingdom to ice and tell everyone to get lost, but most of the time we’re just hanging about waiting for the goofy handsome prince to turn up.

Hope that helps,

Holly