COMMON sense has finally prevailed after Tory deputy chair Lee Anderson said it was time to bring back capital punishment. Here are five solid reasons why a good hanging is just what this country needs.
It would free up public money for a new Royal Yacht
For the price of a length of rope and a trapdoor, we could save thousands of pounds each year on feeding murderers and buying them colour TVs. The money saved would be spent on a new yacht for King Charles and his brother Prince Andrew. Why should the guilty live it up in prison while the innocent suffer?
It would teach murderers a lesson
Obviously not a lesson they could learn from in this life, but if they were reincarnated it would prevent them from committing more murders when they return as bees, spiders, or worms. Won’t someone think of the worms? (It would also stop them reoffending if they came back as a ghost.)
Innocent people would be hanged but we mustn’t let a few good apples ruin the whole barrel of rottenness
It’s best to not to take any chances with murderers walking free and hang everyone accused of it. You could also hang shoplifters to stop them progressing to more serious crimes, ie. murder, as they undoubtedly do. In addition, films about innocent people who were hanged like 10 Rillington Place and Let Him Have It have been great moneyspinners for the British movie industry. More miscarriages of justice, please!
We could dig up Myra Hindley and hang her retrospectively
If anything Ian Brady was more responsible, but MYRA HINDLEY!
It would stop murder like it has in America
The death penalty was reintroduced in the USA in 1976. Prior to that, it was a non-stop murder-fest. But thanks to the return of the electric chair and lethal injections, murder is almost unheard of now – there were only two homicides in Los Angeles last year, and they were both harmless pranks gone wrong. It helps that everyone owns guns, which has also acted as an effective deterrent against death.