IT IS Monday f**king morning and time for another round of this bullshit, it has been confirmed.
Citizens across the UK have been dismayed to find themselves forced to get up, put on smart clothes and go through the same rigmarole as last Monday and countless Mondays before it.
Despondent office worker Tom Booker said: “Oh god, here we fucking go again. Every week it’s the same, every week.
“I spent 45 minutes this morning looking up the ceiling questioning my life and my place in the universe before I could drag myself out of bed.”
Booker eventually summoned enough mental strength to face getting two buses into work, both of which seemed to be full of people who hated him for no reason.
He continued: “All that’s keeping me going is the thought of lunchtime, where I am going to buy a family-sized bag of Cheetos which I’ll tell myself I’ll only eat half of.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Don’t worry about Monday, because who knows what Tuesday will bring? Although to be honest it will probably be more or less the same.”