Jacket potatoes worried they are no longer part of the zeitgeist

BAKED potatoes are worried that their glory days are over, it has emerged.

Large potatoes cooked in their skins were a popular menu fixture during the 80s and 90s, often commanding a disproportionately high retail price of up to £7.50 including two fillings.

Potato Roy Hobbs said: “Back in the day I would have been a pretty big deal on a plate with some unimaginative salad garnish. Everyone had a favourite jacket potato filling, and it was always beans and cheese.

“Millions of people, from bus drivers to celebrities, was munching on our soft interiors. Such was their enthusiasm that some would even eat our dry, parchment-like skin.

“Then wraps, panninis and noodle soups came on the scene. We weren’t worried at first but then they began to catch on.

“People wanted ‘lighter’ options that weren’t molten hot.”

Female potato Emma Bradford said: “Things go in cycles, we just need to hang in there. I’ve got an idea for a new filling, ham and peanut butter, it’s very ‘hipster’ as I believe young people say.”

She added: “I am made from the same stuff as chips but am less fattening.”

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New bedtime book makes children silent and motionless with fear

A POPULAR new bedtime book called Mr Daggerteeth is about a monster that eats children who make any sort of noise or movement during the night.

Author Wayne Hayes explained that rather than lulling them to sleep, the book aims to paralyse troublesome infants with terror.

He said: “Mr Daggerteeth is a deeply evil monster with leathery skin and a big round head full of teeth like kitchen knives. I suppose you’d describe him as a fiend.

“He lives under the bed and if he hears any sound louder than a heartbeat, or sees a foot touching the floor, he pounces and drags the child off to live in Nightmareland forever and ever.

“In the book, the only way for children to survive the night is to keep very, very quiet between the hours of 9pm and 8.30am, which is when Mr Daggerteeth goes off to work in the soul-bottling factory.”

Hayes invented the character of Mr Daggerteeth to coax his own children into a terrified, motionless state at bedtime.

He added: “At first my wife was horrified, but she soon came around when she realised how quiet it made them. Now nothing interrupts our sleep, occasionally we hear some light sobbing but that’s all.”