FIX It badges awarded by Jimmy Savile are to be rounded up, melted down and made into a statue of Britain’s favourite, non-threatening children’s entertainer.
The move comes after reports of ‘negative energy’ around the badges with owners claiming they have experienced bad luck, illness and, in one case, blood oozing from a kitchen tap.
The owners have been told to hand their badges in to their nearest fire station and then run away as fast as they can.
The 14 foot-high statue, entitled ‘Bobo the Mayor’ will depict Johnson blowing up a balloon.
Bobo has a devoted following across the country thanks to his gift for making public statements about everything, some of which have been entertaining.
Bobo said: “Now, who wants to see me bend this balloon into a magic bicycle?”
The plan was agreed after Labour leader Ed Miliband pointed out, quite rightly, that something must be done.
Meanwhile, those for whom Jim fixed it are to be stripped of their experiences.
A huge bonfire will be used to destroy photographs and mementoes from rollercoaster rides, meeting Evel Knievel and helping a vet.