Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Just give us a f**king voucher, teachers plead as end of term approaches

TEACHERS say they do not want naff gifts chosen by parents but would prefer a voucher so they can get something they actually like.

Staff have confirmed that giving them charm bracelets or personalised tote bags as thoughtful keepsakes is pointless as they will forget the children’s names after getting shitfaced at the end of term piss up.

Nikki Hollis said: “Every parent thinks their child is part of a special class that I will carry in my heart forever, but the truth is that one kid looks much like the next when you’ve been teaching for eleven years.

“We are well aware that parents only give presents as the grand finale of the toxic ‘Who’s the best parent’ competition they’ve been playing all year, rather than in appreciation of our skills as educators.

“So if you insist on blowing your money on me, make it a Tesco voucher so I can spend it on something I really need, like five litres of vodka.”