Friday, 4th December 2020

'Just saying' and four other bellend catchphrases

NOT sure if the person you’ve started talking to is a complete bellend or not? Keep an ear out for these telltale catchphrases.

‘Just saying’

Traditionally included at the end of an incredibly withering observation to somehow absolve the user of guilt, eg. “You look like total shit, just saying.” What they’re really communicating is that they’re a passive-aggressive tosser who doesn’t have the guts to say what they mean. Just saying.

‘Sorry not sorry’

The apology version of whiplash. At first you think you’re getting the pardon you deserve, then before you know it it’s been cruelly snatched away. Show people who use this phrase just how meaningless it is by saying it after you’ve punched them in the face.

‘Bore off’

Presumably a shortening of ‘you’re boring’ and ‘f**k off’ that for some reason omits the best word. Predominantly used by cretins whose attention spans have been fried by the internet so anything that isn’t a TikTok video appears dull. Just say f**k off, it’s a timeless classic that doesn’t make you sound like a moron.

‘Bosh!’

Bellowed by middle management types after accomplishing even the most trivial of tasks. Sent an email? Bosh! Closed their laptop? Bosh! Maybe it helps to drown out the nagging voice in their head that reminds them they never even tried to achieve their dreams, not really.

Anything from a meme

Blurting out “Shut up and take my money” or “That’s the tea” doesn’t transform you into a Wildean wit. And that’s saying something, because people who quote Oscar Wilde are in a bellend league of their own and usually get the habit bullied out of them by the time they finish studying their BA.