Last ‘older-looking kid who buys porn for friends’ retires

THE UK’s last working porn-getter has retired.

15-year-old Wayne Hayes, who earned valuable extra income buying copies of Razzle and Men Only for the younger kids in his village, quit last week after the area got broadband.

“I was a porn-getter since the age of 13, when I went through puberty overnight and was able to grow a beard which led the newsagent to overlook my school uniform.

“My father was a porn-getter too, thanks to always having a deep voice and big hands.

“The internet is ruining everything. At least I can still make a quid getting fags and drink for the lads in year eight, but I’m sure you’ll be able to download them soon too.”

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