LAWYERS have been forced to cut the price of super-injunctions by up to 75 per cent after it emerged they do not really work.
A host of actors and premier league footballers, including Ryan Giggs obviously, have taken their super-injuction back to the lawmongers where they bought it and asked for a refund.
With the market in the doldrums Britain’s lawyers are now offering Super Injunction Lite, which lasts for about 20 minutes but costs just £12,000, or an own-brand ‘value’ super injunction which is virtually useless but is only £6.50 or two for a tenner.
Denys Finch-Hatton QC said: “Times are tough. People do not have much money and those that do and have been fucking someone behind their wife’s back are demanding real value for their cover-up pound.
“I am currently offering a really nice injunction – very clean – for £10,000 that will cover everything expect the internet.”
He added: “It is starting to feel like I’ve got a warehouse full of Betamax video tapes.”
Meanwhile Ryan Giggs said: “I got it home and within a week it had stopped working. I checked for a troubleshooting guide at the back of the instruction booklet, but there wasn’t one.
“It was almost as if they were saying it could not possibly go wrong.”
He added: “I just think British made super-injunctions are really poor quality. So in future, if I am going to have sex with Imogen Thomas again, I think I’ll just offer her the money up front and get her to sign a confidentiality agreement.
“It’s not terribly erotic but it’s got to be cheaper than fucking about with lawyers.”