THIS week the government announced plans to start Latin lessons in 40 state schools. But what other vital life skills does every Brit need?
You might not expect a life on the open waves. But it never hurts to know the basics. Imagine being on a billionaire donor’s super-yacht, them falling overboard in suspicious circumstances, and you not knowing if it was the port or starboard. Plus if you ever get tied up by a dominatrix you can recognise if she used a bowline, reef knot or clove hitch.
To get on in life you need to know how to handle a fancy dinner. For example, ordering a £1,000 bottle of red wine in the most obnoxious way possible or knowing which fork you should use to angrily throw at the waiter when your meal doesn’t arrive instantly.
A skill it’s critical to learn. How else will you be able to lead a hunt on brisk December morning and see a fox or five torn to shreds? For bonus life skill points learn how to play the bugle too. Apparently people also go horseback riding for leisure without killing any wildlife. Weirdos.
Latin is a vital second language which opens up a whole range of career options like being the Pope. Plus Brexit has made learning Spanish, German or French a bit of a waste of time. And what are you going to learn instead? Mandarin? What are you, a Chinese spy?
Old fashioned, sure. But if you’re in a pub and someone knocks over your wife’s pint, instead of letting them amicably buy her another, you can slap the perpetrator with your glove, demand ‘satisfaction’ and then meet them outside. The next step is running them through with your broadsword in front of Costa Coffee.