YOUR least important relatives are to be met in a Harvester near a ring-road to exchange presents this weekend.
Family members who are seen a maximum of twice a year have been assigned the weekend a fortnight before Christmas so as not to cast their awkward shadow over any of the actual festivities.
Lucy Parry of Worcester said: “Auntie Kath’s not my real auntie. She’s my dad’s auntie. She’s not important enough for one of the good days.
“Next weekend? That’s practically Christmas. I’ll be all in the spirit. I don’t want to waste that time making small talk with Kath about her hernia operation or that weird grandson of hers who joined the army because the police wouldn’t have him.
“So we’ll go to the Harvester, it’ll be done up all nice and Christmassy, they’ll have the music on, and she’ll never know she’s a low-priority seasonal obligation to be got out of the way early, like buying the Baileys.
“Then we’re meeting Justin’s stepdad tonight, his Welsh cousins for lunch tomorrow, and my half-sister for tea, then all the dull ones are done and proper Christmas can begin.”
Parry’s great-aunt Kath said: “Why we have to see her every bloody year I don’t know. I barely know the girl. Still, let’s get it out of the way.”