Loads of kids on Facebook apparently ready for school

A WHOLE bunch of kids that you don’t know on Facebook are wearing school uniform.

They are probably about to go to school.

The children, aged between maybe about four and could be 16, are most likely to be the offspring of former workmates or possibly college friends not that anyone apart from their parents cares.

Retail manager Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t go on there without seeing hundreds of dead-eyed kids in oversized uniforms, standing there like the twins in The Shining.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Having some foliage tattooed on your arse will revive your pop career and also make it easier to hide in gardens.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
In Blurred Lines, Robin Thicke asks ‘what rhymes with hug me?’ Might I suggest ‘I deserve to have a knife-wielding crackhead mug me’?

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
You’re still not sure whether you would actually piss on Piers Morgan if he was on fire but there’s only one way to find out.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Based on the evidence of schoolyard rhymes, you were disappointed on your trip to Vegas when the blackjack dealers didn’t smell all the cards first.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
On Monday, a colleague says “Life’s too short, make the most of it”. Like you, he works in a small, windowless office doing a job nobody cares about.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Stealing a glance at a pretty woman on the train is perfectly fine, but stealing her underwear off the washing line after following her home might be going a bit far.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
This week, why not suggest that people replace the one form of entertainment they can actually afford with a bag of mange tout?

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Your acoustic guitar really draws a crowd at the party as people queue to watch you being beaten around the head with it.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Virgo enters your sign this week, patting his pockets and humming distractedly for a moment, before wandering out again.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
They came for the badgers, but I did not speak up because I am not a badger. I mean, obviously. I’d hope that would go without saying.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Kids always bicker on car journeys but look on the bright side – at least it’s distracting them from the long trip to the orphanage.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
My Computer – Documents – Horoscopes – Some Vague Bollocks About Energies Or Destiny Or Something.