London in grip of normality

LONDON is today in the grip of normality, with millions having their breakfast then going to work.

As the sun rose on a slightly chilly but otherwise pleasant spring day, residents of the metropolis faced up to doing the things that they would ordinarily do.

Librarian Susan Traherne said: “I’m going to have a bowl of Jordan’s Country Crisp with the dried strawberry bits in it and a cup of tea, and then get on the busy tube train to my work.

“I might read a few pages of my book on the way, if I can be arsed.

“As ever it will be a long and tiring day, and the city can be frustrating but it’s really not too bad.”

24-year-old accounts assistant Wayne Hayes said: “After work I’m going to a bar where they just sell small batch gin and ironic retro crabsticks.

“You might find that annoying and I suppose it is a bit, but hey it’s a free country.”

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But this is a MacBook, says air passenger

A PASSENGER on a Jeddah-London flight has explained that while laptops may be banned he has a MacBook, which is different. 

Joseph Turner has told airline staff that he fully understands why they are taking laptops away from businessmen but that his MacBook Pro is a creative tool, so the rules do not apply. 

He continued: “It’s not a laptop. I actually loudly correct anyone who calls it a laptop. I did it in the airport coffee place just before. 

“This is the precision-milled instrument with which I create worlds, bring characters to life, and punch up advertising copy for blue-chip brands. It could never harm. 

“The battery of a MacBook cannot be removed except by a certified Genius at the Genius Bar. It’s far beyond ISIS’s capabilities.” 

Following the conversation Turner has been shown into a room to await further questioning, which he believes will lead to an upgrade to first class.