THE commission studying Londons airport needs has been urged to consider no airports at all.
Experts said the zero runways option would the cheapest, quietest and most environmentally friendly because it would just be some houses, fields and a scattering of friendly horses, instead of a massive, noisy concrete nightmare, full of unremitting ghastliness.
Julian Cook, a transport consultant from Richmond, said: “If people are determined to come to London they can strap on a parachute and fall out of an airplane.
“The capital will be encircled by a dozen designated drop zones. Once you hit the ground you make your way to the nearest main road where the ParaBus will pick you up and take you to a train station.”
The plan allows for six drops per day and a dedicated part-time rescue team for passengers who end up getting mangled in a tree.
Cook added: “The one issue the process has failed to address is why so many people are coming to London and if that should be allowed to continue.
“The financial, political and media industries are populated by the worst people in the world. We need less of them, not more.
”The only other people coming to London are gap-toothed provincial cretins, wearing shiny garments and clutching tickets for embarrassing West End shows.
“Stay where you are, you pitiful monsters and spend your pennies on dentistry and fruit.”