Londoner 'fine' with being surrounded by bastard neighbours for the rest of his life

A LONDONER is perfectly happy about always living in flats surrounded by total bastard neighbours, he has claimed.

Creative consultant Tom Logan admits that he does occasionally have issues with the flat next door, the downstairs neighbours, the couple upstairs and whoever is on the other side of the wall, but that living in London is worth it.

He said: “It’s cool if Alex next door wants to blast her tunes. Really adds to the whole edgy urban vibe, even if it is mostly Celine Dion.

“And this is a 24-hour city that never sleeps, so it’s no big deal if my upstairs neighbours slam doors and shout at each other at 2am.

“There’s actually a really strong sense of community here, and even when there’s an argument about parking spaces that sounds like impending murder it’s just because of the passion.

“With London on my doorstep I’m definitely not bothered about that Spanish guy blocking the hallway with his mountain bike despite me asking him not to 500 fucking times.”

Friend Emma Bradford said: “Tom’s such a wimp. When he lived above that crazy posh alcoholic woman who used to pass out to Beethoven at maximum volume he said it was ‘an amazing cultural experience’.”

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British Gas raises then freezes electricity prices 'as a favour'

BRITISH Gas has raised electicity prices by 12.5 per cent then immediately frozen them, as a favour to their customers. 

The energy provider, which froze prices for six months in February, has promised households that prices will remain frozen apart from twice-yearly scheduled thaws when they will sharply increase.

A British Gas spokesman said: “They’re completely frozen. Look at that. Rock solid. They won’t be going anywhere for at least another three months.

“Obviously they can’t stay frozen forever, but our pledge to our customers is that whenever prices are not immediately rising, they will remain the same.

“You won’t get an offer like that anywhere else in the market. Why not try our new lifetime contract?”

Customer Helen Archer said: “I like how they vary it between gas and electricity going up. I like to imagine them having a little race.”