Lonely man seizes opportunity to carve face into vegetable

SOCIALLY isolated Tom Logan is celebrating being able to make a ‘vege-wife’ without being labelled insane.

47-year-old Logan, who has lived alone for 25 years, has named his pumpkin Britt Ekland and had a long chat with it about next door’s washing line.

He said: “All year I’ve been waiting to carve a lovely kind, beautiful face into a fruit or vegetable. Thanks to Halloween for making this not weird.”

Logan added: “I’m still hopeful of getting a visit from sexy trick or treat ladies in Bo Peep and Catwoman outfits, like you see in US sitcoms.

“Although thinking about it Britt does have a jealous nature, maybe I won’t answer the door.”

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We like this album, say strangers

A HANDFUL of people you’ve never met have announced liking an album by James Blake.

A spokesman for the group said: “Me and these other people have listened to a bunch of albums and the one we most like is by James Blake.

“The other ones we listened to were pretty good too. I suppose it’s a matter of taste.

“Anyway, do with that information what you will, and don’t forget to buy whatever it is our sponsor sells, whether that is goods or services.”