Look what came out of my fanny, says Facebook mum

MOTHERS on Facebook have been sharing pictures of the porky little things that came out of their fannies.

Women on social media are celebrating their ability to have sexual intercourse and then vaginally expel a small tubby human.

28-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “It’s a mental feeling when someone comes out of your fanny. So magical.

“I remember when Rosie was born, my husband and I were like ‘what the fucking hell is that?’.

“Now our lives are really perfect. Although, to be honest, my vagina’s never been quite the same.”

She added: “Maybe Rosie will be a doctor or a pilot, or do large-scale insurance fraud and go to prison.”

However the posts have caused arguments between those who think it is stupid inane bullshit and others who think it is insensitive quasi-medieval bullshit recalling a time when women who did not reproduce were made to go and live among wolves.

Mother-of-three Emma Bradford said: “It’s a chance for women without kids to see what pure love looks like, even though they will never experience emotion on any meaningful level.

“Anyway I’m full of selfless mummy joy, so fuck them.”



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Man leaves wife and children for Jamie Vardy's goal

A 31-YEAR-OLD has left his wife and two children to spend his life with Jamie Vardy’s goal against Liverpool. 

Nathan Muir announced his decision early this morning after 14 hours spent watching the goal on replay which he described as “the best night of my life”. 

He continued: “This is who I really am. The curves of Vardy’s goal, its forceful, dipping beauty, made me realise I’d been living a lie for far too long. 

“I never made a big thing of it, but I always used to record the goal of the month on VHS when I was a youngster. So it’s definitely not a mid-life crisis.

“I never meant to hurt anyone. I’m not even a Leicester fan. But just look at it.”

Muir, who has moved into a studio flat with a 50″ curved television, mini-fridge and Sky Sports, told his wife he does not plan to contest custody of their children.

His nine-year-old Dylan said: “Mum blames the goal for everything, but I don’t think that’s fair and it is really beautiful. 

“I might be happier living with it.”