Lots of lazy bastards have jobs

THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.

As the government trumpeted its support for ‘hard workers’, lazy employed people have been left wondering where they stand in all this.

Sales manager Tom Booker said: “I pay my taxes but I certainly don’t work hard.

“Thanks to technology I can do the minimum required amount of work quickly, then spend the remaining six hours looking at music and pornography websites.

“Occasionally I have to give my subordinates a bollocking for behaving exactly as I do, but that’s about as stressful as it gets.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The inference seems to be that unemployed people are ‘shirkers’. But doing a job is often less hassle than trying to get one. Especially if you’re some sort of office manager, which basically amounts to babysitting adults.

“The government also champions people who want to work hard. But these people do not exist.

“Humans like booze, cake, telly and sex. They’re a bit less keen on busting their arses.”