FORMER biscuit manufacturer Lotus Biscoff has finally got around to launching a line of Lotus Biscoff-flavoured sexual lubricants.
The company, which once made a single product and now makes more than 230 million, has expanded into the lube market as the obvious next step in their all-encompassing plan.
Managing director Jan Achten said: “Slamming into each other with more force than natural lubricant can allow? Missing that Biscoff taste? No longer.
“Yes, now we’ve expanded into a spread, ice-cream, milkshakes, chocolate, cavity wall insulation, life insurance, cloud storage and shoe insoles we thought a lube was the way to go.
“There are three flavours: Lotus Biscoff, Lotus Biscoff Cream and Lotus Biscoff Original, which is the same as Lotus Biscoff. It’s silicone-based so you’ll feel every thrust, and so delicious it’s hard not to eat straight from the jar!
“Is this an odd trajectory for a business that used to be the biscuits you got with coffee? Yes, but once we changed our name from Speculoos and shed the gynaecological overtones, the sky was the limit.”
He added: “Methamphetamine? It’s Lotus Biscoff.”