LYING to friends and colleagues by claiming your commute is 20 minutes shorter than it is means you are lying to yourself, experts have confirmed.
Solicitor and habitual commute-shortener Carolyn Ryan said: “I’m lucky. I only have to hop on a bus into Dudley, then it’s a direct train to Birmingham New Street. A breezy 45 minutes, maybe 50 on a bad day.
“I get all the benefit of living in the countryside while having all the amenities of the city. Hashtag winning.”
But colleague Joanna Kramer said: “I’ve seen Carolyn at the bus stop and I know that journey’s an hour plus easily. 90 minutes if something fucks up. I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling.
“Meanwhile, because I drive, I’m here in probably not much more than half-an-hour. Traffic? I’m very good at dodging that.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Commuters lie because otherwise they would have to admit they spend ten or more hours a week bored, frustrated and wasting their lives.
“But ultimately, they are lying only to themselves. And, despite what Carolyn tells her doctor, she also still smokes.”