Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Man calling himself 'self-styled' expert is definitely a prick

A MAN describing himself as a ‘self-styled’ expert is without doubt a d*ckhead, researchers have confirmed. 

Tom Booker of Hitchin refers to himself as a ‘self-styled’ expert on Brexit, stock trading, the Lamborghini Gallardo and the films of Martin Scorcese despite having no education and little experience of any of them.

He said: “I introduce myself as a self-styled expert when I call LBC. That’s warning enough that the opinions you’re about to hear aren’t just brilliant, but dangerous.

“Real experts often let all the facts or whatever they’ve learned get in the way. My expertise might not have the official stamp of approval but that makes it all the more refreshing.

“That’s why I get cut off all the time. Because they can’t handle how outside the norm my views are. That, and I tend to say ‘f**k’ when I get excited.”

Psychologist Dr Helen Archer said: “The words ‘self-styled’ negate whatever follows. A ‘self-styled entrepreneur’ has a lot of failed businesses. A ‘self-styled fashion guru’ wears clothes that make your eyes hurt. A ‘self-styled playboy’ expects a shag for buying champagne.

“If you’re described as ‘self-styled’ you think you’re great, but seek a second opinion immediately. That opinion will say you’re a prick, and will be right.”