Man confirms every stereotype about ghastly media wankers

A MAN with some sort of job at a TV company instantly confirms your worst prejudices about media arseholes, it has emerged.

Anyone who meets Tom Booker quickly discovers he is an arrogant, coked-up prick who works on tacky, exploitative programmes he somehow thinks are important.

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: “I met Tom at a party where he droned on about some awful-sounding show called Bisexual on Benefits while blatantly looking around for someone more important to talk to.

“He also claimed he was best mates with Ray Winstone, but it turned out he just got him a sandwich while he was doing a voiceover for a piles cream advert.

“Thankfully he went off to do some ‘prang’ in the toilet with someone called Nez who he described as ‘the fucking genius at Blue Aardvark’, whatever that means.”

Acquaintance Wayne Hayes said: “Tom acts as if he’s a big name in the TV industry but then you realise he just works on generic toss like Vagina Clinic and Help! I Need An Extension.

“He wears a retro Adidas top, eyeball-scorching trainers, ripped jeans and a trilby to work. What more do you need to know?”

Booker said: “Did I tell you we’ve got Nick Grimshaw on board for E4’s Young, Free and Living with STDs? He’s a fucking genius.”

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Couple pathetically claim to be 'into hotels'

A COUPLE have made the sickening claim that their hobby is staying in expensive hotels. 

Julian and Naomi Cook have told friend that paying upwards of £300 to sleep in a room with deep carpets and a large window is the single activity in which they are most interested.

Julian Cook said: “Some people like to paint, others like to sew, we like to stay in very expensive hotels.

“But it’s not like we just raid the mini-bar, watch a Gerard Butler film on pay-per-view then crash out. We carefully ‘research’ the hotels in books like Martin Bomfay’s Pretentious Escapes 2017.

“It’s deep. You might not get it.”

Friend Tom Booker said: “What do they do when they visit the Hotel du Romance, just stay in looking at the Queen Anne chairs and oil paintings of wine? Do they have a shower and say ‘Ah, that was well worth £80?’

“It’s like getting a taxi just for the experience of being in a taxi. Even if it had oak love seats and an antique stained-glass screen between you and the driver, it would still be a fucking taxi.”