Man forced to stay loyal to increasingly shit Netflix show

A MAN cannot admit a TV show he was really into is actually quite shit without looking foolish, he has admitted.

Tom Logan declared himself a fan of generic sci-fi series Paradox Shift several years ago and now has to pretend to enjoy the increasingly repetitive programme.

Office worker Logan said: “I’ve told so many people it’s brilliant and wanked on about these sexy lizards aliens called the ‘Nanoids’ so much I can’t admit I am bored shitless of the whole thing.

“Last night there was a serial killer and a ‘slow burn’ romance between two characters which is really boring. There’s a mysterious guy in a van but he’s obviously just there to keep you watching.

“Nevertheless I had to tweet ‘ANOTHER GREAT EP!!! Will Agent Ronson turn out to be connected to the Hynde Corporation? Can’t wait 2 find out!!!’. God I hate myself.

“I’d love to just come out and say it’s crap but I’ve invested more time in it than any relationship I’ve ever had.”

Fellow fan Nikki Hollis said: “Paradox Shift is the greatest thing ever made, although I wouldn’t really know because the only other programme I watch is Jessica Jones.”

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Camping only a holiday if your house is worse than a tent

CAMPING is only a holiday if your normal house is worse than a tent, it has been confirmed.

The activity, which demands that participants leave all their nice stuff behind and sleep in a bag, is now in the same class as visiting elderly relatives and getting your tyres balanced.

Camper Julian Cook said: “Now you mention it, I did start looking forward to going home as soon as we got here. But I assumed it was because I’ve been with my children.”

Fields – euphemistically called ‘campsites’ – have also been proven to be colder, less connected to wifi and more prone to ants than houses, flats and bungalows.

Cook’s wife Helen said: “I’d always wondered why the ‘best’ campsites were the ones with the most house stuff in them. Fuck this, we’re off.”

Similarly, caravanning is only a holiday if your house is worse than a large trailer, and going to Yorkshire is only a holiday if you live in a well.