26-year-old man believes he is first person to have a social conscience

A MAN has been lecturing friends about various injustices as though he is the first person to have thought about them, it has emerged.

Graphic designer Martin Bishop, 26, frequently rants at friends and colleagues as if issues like racism and poverty are completely new concepts to them.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I’m glad Martin went on about the plight of refugees in the pub last night, because otherwise I’d have completely missed that massive humanitarian crisis.

“It’s not that I disagree with him, I just object to him implying he’s the only one who cares about global warming or sex trafficking and everyone else thinks it’s a jolly good idea.

“Today he put a story about famine victims on Facebook with the comment, ‘We have to do something, people!!!’. That definitely made me rethink my pro-starvation views.

Bishop said: “It’s not easy having a social conscience. At lunch I was telling everyone about Indian people getting dysentery from bathing in raw effluent and it was as if they didn’t want to know.

“Fortunately I’m an incredibly decent and principled guy, so I’m not going to stop telling people that things like racism and homophobia are bad.”

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ITV's prediction that you like morons rutting on an island proves depressingly accurate

YOU like to watch idiots rutting in a hot place, it has been confirmed.

ITV executives constructed Love Island based on the cynical belief that Britons want to watch muscular imbeciles mating in a tropical setting.

An ITV spokesman said: “It seems we cannot underestimate you.

“We thought we might at least need to dress this one up as a ‘scientific experiment probing human reproductive behaviour’ or a ‘nudity-based survival challenge’ that ‘pushes boundaries’.

“And so we will continue to do everything to promote the existence of steroidal freaks who will have a brief DJing career before getting arrested for trashing a Nando’s.”

The next episode of Love Island will see the participants shaken up by the introduction of Wayne Hayes, a super-hot horse who everyone will fancy.