A HORRIFIED man has realised the party he promised to attend tonight will be spent watching Clive Myrie and Robert Peston.
Wayne Hayes, from Peterborough, agreed a month ago to attend the party hosted by his friend Emma Bradford, not realising that everyone except him would have opinions about John Swinney.
Hayes said: “I figured there would be music and booze and maybe a cheeky spliff going around. Is John Swinney the one who wears the bin on his head? I like him.
“The swingometer did sound promising until I discovered that it involves Jeremy Vine. That’s unpleasant.”
He added: “I had high hopes of getting off with one of Emma’s workmates when we’re all pissed at 3am.
“It turns out 3am is when Bristol Central is expected to declare, and we’ll know whether Labour has triumphed, whether the Greens have won their second parliamentary seat or whether it’s gone to an independent.
“I can’t believe I’m getting cockblocked by Thangam Debbonaire.”
