A GROWN man is feeling intimidated by a group of teenagers who have not even noticed he is there.
36-year-old Martin Bishop approached his local Tesco Metro intending to purchase a newspaper, but became crippled with fear after noticing a group of youths loitering outside.
Bishop said: “I have no doubt that every single one of them is an insecure, self-conscious bellend with terrible dress sense, and yet I am scared to walk past them.
“What if they ask me to buy them some cheap cider, or film me accidentally doing a funny walk and shame me on TikTok? I’d rather get beaten up than suffer viral humiliation.
“Perhaps they’ll snigger at me in a way that suggests I’m a sad, old man who’s quickly approaching death having achieved nothing. Or is that just me projecting?
“The truth is they’re probably earnestly discussing climate change or tuition fees, which is why they look so pissed off. But I still can’t shake the feeling they might steal my pocket money even though I’m older than their parents and their teachers.”
Teen Jack Browne said: “We ignore anyone over the age of 21. Mainly because they don’t understand the anxious paranoia of our young tortured lives.”