THE Metropolitan Police have issued official advice today telling women the best way to avoid attacks by rogue police officers is by simple non-existence.
Women everywhere have welcomed the strong response which puts the onus squarely on them to prevent violence from men, and not the institution supposed to protect the public.
A spokesperson for the Met said: “The best way to stop violence against women is for there to be no women. You might think that the police need to take responsibility by properly vetting members of the force or investigating reports of crimes by officers, but this isn’t cost-effective.
“Instead, we offer this advice: if you believe you are in imminent danger, have you thought about not being there in the first place? Predators can’t prey on thin air.
“It’s better than any misguided advice about flagging down bus drivers and asking them to take out corrupt cops for you, and offers 100 per cent protection.
“We’ve been working really hard on this. We put our heads together and tried our absolute best to make no real structural changes and this is what we came up with. So now we can all move on.”
Alongside their advice to women, the Met is also asking people of colour worried about systematic biases from the police if they have tried being white instead.