Woman eating entire Toblerone mistakenly believes she's better than this

A WOMAN eating 360g of chocolate in one sitting foolishly believes the action doesn’t reflect her overall life choices.

Charlotte Phelps began eating the gargantuan snack at a rate of almost one triangle per minute whilst watching Eastenders, but maintains she isn’t usually the sort of person who does things like this.

Phelps said: “On this occasion I’m going to eat the whole Toblerone instead of giving it to my aunt for her birthday like I told myself I would when I bought it. But this isn’t a regular pattern of behaviour.

“Now I’ve started, I might as well eat every single piece. Otherwise it would just be cluttering up the fridge, when I need the space for all the vegetables I’m definitely going to buy tomorrow.

“I don’t think this one incident defines me. For example, I bought a new sports bra last month, which demonstrates my commitment to health and fitness even though I haven’t done any exercise in it yet.

“I’ll just polish off the rest of this bottle of wine and get an early night by falling asleep on the sofa in my clothes. I wouldn’t usually, but it saves my mum having to wash the sheets too often. I’m thoughtful like that.”

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Zoomer doesn't understand youth culture either

A ZOOMER has confirmed that he is just as baffled by his generation’s youth culture as everyone else is.

17-year-old Ryan Whittaker understands why older people are confused by the popularity of lip syncing TikTok videos and Logan Paul’s monumental fame because their appeal is a mystery to him as well.

Whittaker said: “I know youth culture always seems strange and ridiculous, but I think we’ve taken things a little too far. Am I meant to be into K-pop ironically or not? It’s impossible to tell.

“Not to sound all ‘Ok, Boomer’ but the slang is impenetrable as well. Is a ‘cheugy-based vibe’ a good thing or will it get me cancelled? I asked some friends to translate and all they said was ‘big yikes’, which was no help.

“Maybe I was born in the wrong era. I bet things made more sense in the Nineties when there were only hundreds of television channels and having your finger on the pulse meant watching Friends once a week.”

Millennial Nikki Hollis said: “Think you’ve got problems? One of my generation’s cultural highlights was Crazy Frog. By comparison you’re living through the Renaissance.”