Thursday, 29th October 2020

Man shouts at ducks for flouting lockdown rules

A MAN has verbally abused a small group of ducks in his local park for flouting coronavirus lockdown rules.

Tom Logan was out for a run when he spotted the careless waterfowl provocatively gathered in a large group in his local pond, demonstrating zero wartime spirit.

A red-faced Logan explained: “Even if they are exercising – which that one in particular is waddling and hardly pushing itself – then they should be observing the two metre rule.

“They’re quite literally flying in the face of every lockdown instruction. I saw them flapping their way over to land on the pond. Flying and swimming, that’s two forms of exercise. Boris specified one.

“They’re walking around in their own shit, sharing water and food, and there’s no hand sanitiser. Which to be fair is basically unobtainable even for me.

“Stay home, you feathery f**kers! Even a duck should understand that.”

Mallard Nathan Muir said: “Mate, chill out, it’s just the flu.”