A MAN is unable to tell if he is enjoying a pint in his favourite boozer or a rowdy nursery for parents and their newborn children.
Norman Steele was left confused by the presence of pub paraphernalia like beer taps and a fruit machine next to crèche shit like mums and dads cradling their incessantly shrieking spawn.
He said: “My senses don’t know what to think. It looks like the same old place where grumpy bastards come to drink their lives away, only there’s prams and colouring pads and tiny bawling humans everywhere. Maybe I’ve gone insane.
“If this was a pub then I should only be able to hear slurred chatter punctuated by the occasional rustling of crisp packets, yet I can distinctly make out the deafening cries of babies and the futile bargaining of their parents.
“On the other hand, a crèche should be filled with exciting toys and colourful furniture. Not a dart board and a floor soaked with American pale ale. The big telly with Sky Sports on it probably wouldn’t go amiss though.”
Mother of one Grace Wood-Morris said: “You’re better off going to a crèche if you want a quiet pint. Me and my friends and our many children are going to be here all day, and Christ knows we need a drink to get through it.”
