Man unsure whether to take phone call while on the toilet

A MAN awaiting news about a job was unsure whether to answer a phone call because he was on the lavatory.

Tom Booker revealed that he had applied for several jobs and knew the likelihood of it being a work related call was high.

He said: “It was a ‘withheld’ number, so I couldn’t just call it back and I didn’t know whether they would leave a voice mail or not.

“But I knew if I answered it and they wanted to ask me any questions they would probably be able to figure out I was on the toilet from the slight echo in the room.

“That would not have made the right impression.”

Booker said he decided to finish his business and pull up his trousers before answering the call as he left the bathroom.

He added: “It was an automated call from an insurance company. But I still shouted ‘you parasitic bastards’ down the phone, before going back into the bathroom to wash my hands.”

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Woman ends 20-year attempt to like jazz

A MUSIC fan has finally admitted that jazz is bad.

Jane Thompson said that despite owning over 3,000 albums spanning genres from ‘electro-bongo’ to ‘Peruvian be-bop’, she has struggled to find a single recording of jazz that did not make her angry.

Thompson said: “I worried that I was musically thick and that’s why I didn’t get the apparently-random squeaks and farts. I tried smoking weed but that just made the jazz physically painful.

“After a fourth attempt to get all the way through Bitches Brew I had an epiphany that I didn’t need this in my life. I’m finally at peace with the fact that it’s rancid.”

She added: “I celebrated by putting on a few Beatles albums, with tunes and songs under three minutes and no-one doing solos just because they can. It was all brilliant, apart from the White Album.”

Thompson now runs a course for people coming to terms with jazz deafness, which attempts to shift the blame from the listener to the performer.

Course graduate Roy Hobbs said: “I am good. Jazz is bad.”