Man who can't teach does

A MAN who proved himself no good in any other area of life has been similarly useless at teaching.

Tom Logan, a failed actor, writer, musician, entrepreneur and officer worker assumed trying his hand at teaching would be simple.

However, after four years actually working at a school, colleagues and pupils alike have suggested he may have overestimated his capabilities.

Fellow teacher Donna Sheridan said: “The first suggestion to me that all was not well with Tom’s abilities was when he threw a blackboard eraser at one of the pupils. That may have been his experience of school discipline in the 1970s but it’s not how things are done today.

“We don’t even use blackboards anymore at so I’m not even sure why he brought it in, except as a weapon.

“As for his teaching, he completely ignored the modules and put on a History Channel documentary about the Nazis, then disappeared for 40 minutes for a cigarette break.”

Logan said: “They told me I was woefully inadequate but would I stay on for the next three years? No other bastard will do the job.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

The couple's guide to holiday-ruining arguments

GOING on holiday with your new-found freedom? Here’s how to have a bloody good row with your partner, as is traditional.

Where to eat 

Really you can have whatever meal you fancy, especially if you’re in Portugal for two whole weeks. Don’t let this stop you having a furious argument about whether to go to a fish restaurant or not. 

Relationship issues you haven’t addressed

Do you not actually get on with your partner? In the pressure cooker environment of spending all your time together in a foreign land you will soon notice each other’s f**king annoying habits. Have a blazing row about holding cutlery properly.

Go somewhere shit

Don’t go abroad, go somewhere horrible in Britain that will instantly raise tensions. Prestatyn is like a prison camp, and Southend-on-Sea is just grim. You’ll soon be so pissed off anything will spark an argument.

Your parents

Your parents may well not like your partner, or vice versa. A supposedly relaxing holiday is the perfect opportunity to argue about what a patronising bastard your father-in-law is.

Boat trips

Should be straightforward; it’s just getting on a boat and floating around for a bit. Instead have lots of friction about: how long it will take, is it too expensive, will you get seasick? It’s these trivial issues that make for a truly memorable holiday row.

Visit awful places together

So many choices here: Europe is rammed with shit nightclubs, or at the other end of the scale you can force your partner to visit an extremely boring cathedral. As the day wears on you’ll end up arguing about historical architecture, which is at least a bit different.