Man who drank water between pints impressed absolutely no-one

A MAN who made a point of drinking water in between each pint of beer did not impress anyone, it has been confirmed.

Julian Cook, who was on a staff night out, insisted drinking water helps him maintain ‘full control’ while also setting a good example to his colleagues.

He said: “And I had a big meal before I came out and I won’t be mixing my drinks neither.”

During the evening Cook also bought a round of shots for everyone in a move witnesses described as a ‘desperate bid to prove he was fun’.

Colleague Norman Steele said: “Unfortunately the shots were ‘Sourz’, which is only 15 percent.

“He may as well have come back with a shot of wine for everyone. Then he stood there drinking a glass of water while we pretended to be grateful.”

Cook then finished the evening by having a very small puff on a colleague’s cigarette outside the bar.

He added: “Yolo!”

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Heart-rending tale of human suffering prompts man to unsubscribe

THE plight of Syrian families forced to leave their homes has persuaded a man to opt out of further emails.

Tom Logan, from Nottingham, ended his involvement with e-petition site LifeAid after receiving a third message in two weeks about desperate refugees.

Logan said: “I signed up to LifeAid to protest about the closure of a donkey sanctuary near Taunton. Now it’s all Isis and Boko Haram.

“Normally I delete those emails and move on. But something about this one made me sit up and decide to do something. I’m now fully unsubscribed.”

The 27 year-old explained how he found the unsubscribe link underneath the some stuff about a nine year-old Syrian boy who has to read the back of empty cereal cartons because his parents can no longer afford books.

He said: “All I had to do was confirm my email address and now I won’t be bothered by all this ghastliness. Unsubscribing is a small gesture that can make a huge difference. I’d recommend it to anyone.”

Logan has also considered unsubscribing from other mailing lists, but decided that would be an insult to the nice people at Innocent smoothies.