A DRIVER who kindly allowed another car to pull out ahead of him is now cleared to be a complete prick to everyone he encounters today.
When Joe Turner, 44, saw a car indicating from a side road this morning he quashed his gut instinct to obnoxiously floor the accelerator and do everything in his power to block the driver’s path.
Instead, in an inspiring act of benevolence, Mr Cooper lowered his speed, flashed his lights and allowed the car to pull out, banking himself enough karmic credit to be an absolute bellend for the rest of the day.
He said: “It wasn’t something I planned, because you can’t plan being a hero.
“I just came across an opportunity to help my fellow man and, to my own surprise, took it. The other driver flashed his hazards in appreciation of my selfless charity. It was a powerful moment.
“The best part is, the sheer magnitude of my good deed means I can be a real arsehole from here on and it all balances out. I’ve got carte blanche to be a total dickhead to my colleagues, friends and family.
“I’m spending a day at work being argumentative and condescending, arriving home pissy for no reason, sending the kids to bed early and tipping the spagetti carbonara my wife’s made straight in the bin. Because I’m a good person.”