A MAN who is not an irredeemably awful arsehole is being praised as a ‘woke’ progressive.
Tom Booker meets the basic standards of decency by not pissing all over the toilet seat, farting in public or saying ‘banter’ unironically, yet is considered enlightened in comparison to other men.
Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Ugh, Tom’s so bloody woke. He doesn’t cheat on his wife and isn’t even angry that she earns more than him. Sorry we can’t all be social justice kings like you and Gary Lineker.
“And he really rubs it in by taking out the recycling every week, which is virtue signalling, and I’ve never heard him crack racist or homophobic jokes. Not even when he’s tired or drunk or a bit stressed.”
Booker’s wife Helen added: “He cares about social issues, gives to charity, and does an adequate job washing up. It’s so grating and performative. He even lets me come first when we shag. Like okay, we get it, you’re better than us.”
Booker himself said: “I tried to tell everyone that I’m borderline acceptable and not the second coming of Owen Jones, but they just sneered at my humblebrag. Considering punching a nun to get them off my case.”
