A MAN who refuses to drink non-craft beer is having cereal for his tea again tonight, it has been revealed.
Martin Thompson, 37, is proud to possess an “exquisitely developed” palate for artisanal brews, and will happily pontificate on aromas, body and mouthfeel for hours.
He said: “I can’t be within 20 feet of someone drinking Carling or Fosters – it’s an assault on my belief system as well as their tastebuds.
“But I also can’t stand people who are into poncey food – I like proper meals, none of that pretentious muck.”
Thompson explained that his diet is exclusively made up of Cheerios, frozen things from Iceland and meat-based meals that come in a can. He mixes it up with chips and saveloy from the chippy every Friday, but will only ingest vegetables at Christmas, to stop his mum telling him off.
Meanwhile, he spends several hours a each week logging his latest tastings into his treasured “beer bible” and maintains that people who talk about visiting restaurants are wankers.
Thompson’s lifestyle has led him to spend a considerable amount of time in his local microbrewery, where there is a revolving selection of craft beers and a food menu that seems to have been written by an obese eight-year-old.