A MIDDLE-AGED dad has realised he will never recreate the joy of owning a dangerous catapult.
Office manager Tom Logan had a Black Widow catapult from age nine to 14 and has never felt so alive since.
Logan said: “I felt manly, dangerous, red-blooded, like a sort of suburban Rambo but with a strict curfew of 9pm.
“Now I have a Vauxhall Vectra, a home and a family but to be honest none of it’s a patch on the Black Widow.
“Never again will I experience the pure, unbridled joy of firing a small stone at high speed into a can of Fanta. Or the time I almost hit a squirrel, although it’s probably just as well I didn’t.
“Even when the midwife handed me my first child I was imagining I could probably fire a ball bearing through the cars in the hospital car park if I dared.”
Wife Debbie said: “This all started when Tom became a stay-at-home dad.
“I hope he’s not seriously thinking of buying one of those air pistols he’s been looking at on the internet.”