Mansplaining man actually correct

ONLOOKERS are uncertain how to respond after realising that a man mansplaining to a woman is in fact correct and entirely right to do so.

After data services intern Lucy Parry made an error in a spreadsheet, manager Tom Logan explained her mistake in a manner which bystanders described as ‘condescending’, ‘patronising’ and ‘absolutely accurate in every respect’.

Co-worker Francesca Johnson said: “It deeply pains me to say it, but Tom is right. Lucy needs to hear this otherwise she’ll keep making the same mistake, and all the accusations of patriarchal entitlement in the world won’t change that.

“It’s a shame we can’t find another way to communicate the message to her, like if Tom was willing to talk through the medium of a glove puppet called Mr Wigglemuffins. Actually, maybe Mrs Wigglemuffins, as a male puppet might still be a bit sexist.

“Or perhaps we could get a female member of staff to repeat everything Tom says but in a much nicer, more encouraging tone. But is that just using a woman’s skills to make a man’s life easier? Christ, this is a nightmare.”

Tom Logan said: “This is not mansplaining, as the definition only applies if the woman already knows more than the man and Lucy clearly doesn’t.

“So I will now explain to her, slowly and clearly, why she’s wrong about that too.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

16 so-called art masterpieces you could bang out in half-an-hour pissed

LET’S face it, most universally acclaimed works of art could have been done by you after a lengthy session in the pub. Here are 16 you could easily crank out after six pints.

Starry Night by Van Gogh

Blue swirl. Yellow swirl. Rinse, repeat. No need to cut your ear off over it, Vince.

Frida Kahlo’s self-portraits

You’ve been drawing moustaches and monobrows on pictures of politicians in the paper for years, so this is no challenge at all.

The Weeping Woman by Picasso

Cubist portraits are lemon peasy to bosh out when you’ve had a few. You don’t even have to get the eyes in the right place.

Girl With a Pearl Earring by Vermeer

Vermeer was shite at drawing. Case in point, he obviously f**ked up the hair so had to artfully place an IKEA bag over it.

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

Dali struggled with circles so he made the clocks look melted. You’d do the same after several Jägerbombs.

Venus de Milo by Alexandros of Antioch

Hands are the hardest bit, so no wonder the sculptor left them off. Piece of piss.

The Son of Man by Rene Magritte

If you can’t draw noses just stick an apple in front of their face. Classic shortcut from an artist as lazy and talentless as the rest of us.

The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch

Doodling a bunch of naked freaks getting off with each other? What is this, a pub toilet cubicle?

Impression, Sunrise by Claude Monet

Blobs that only look good far away. God knows how Claude got away with it, but you could do it too.

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

Big shapeless lump with two faces. Just like your ex. Anyway, slap some gold leaf on anything and people are impressed.

The Great Wave by Hokusai

The frothy bits look tricky, until you find out it’s a woodcut. Any old bastard can use a stamp.

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper

There’s f**k all going on in this picture. Try drawing a city centre Wetherspoons at 11pm on a Saturday night. That would require real attention to detail.

Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill Whistler

Easy for the artist, even easier for his mum, who could watch Emmerdale while she was posing. He clearly couldn’t be arsed to draw her doing anything complicated, like playing Twister.

Grey Lines with Black, Blue and Yellow by Georgia O’Keefe

Vulvas are famously straightforward. They all look the same. Try a circumcised micro-penis with a Prince Albert next time, Georgia.

Number 1 by Jackson Pollock

You can do this by accident just by putting a pen with a loose lid in your handbag and running for a bus.

The Last Supper by Leonardo Da Vinci

Anyone who’s read Dan Brown could knock this out in under an hour. Once you’ve got the Jesus/Mary Magdalene womb bit in, it’s just some self-important blokes having a chat. In fact, the pub will be good inspiration for your efforts.