WALES has proclaimed Merthyr Tydfil to be its greatest ever achievement.
The principality’s tourist board plans to advertise it as the new premier holiday destination for thrill-seekers with the slogan ‘The Town that Tells the Rest of the World to Fuck Off’.
Merthyr resident, Wayne Hayes, said “Between the nappy-clad smokers and barely-concealed undercurrent of violence, living here is like a bronchial cross between Jeremy Kyle and Jurassic Park.
“Every trip to the corner shop is an adventure where coming home intact feels like a victory.
“I used to live in London and worry about whether Fleet Foxes were still cool or when I was going to visit a new gastro pub. Now my only concern is whether I’ve left anything flammable in the garden.”
Hayes added: “When absolutely anything could kill you at any second you reach a level of Zen-like acceptance that’s really quite invigorating.
“Bob Dylan wrote that ‘When you’ve got nothing you’ve got nothing to lose’ but had he been from Merthyr, he’d probably have said ‘Fling a shopping trolley through the window of Threshers, grab as much as you can and run like fuck’.”