Middle-aged man still dogged by school rumour about getting off with a rabbit

A 46-YEAR-OLD man is still plagued by a rumour from his school days that he French-kissed a rabbit.

Despite having three children and being managing director of a successful Toyota dealership, Tom Logan has been unable to fully discredit the rabbit story which was made up by some malicious fifth-form girls over 30 years ago.

Logan said: “In about 1982 I had a house party because my parents were on holiday and I wanted everyone from school to think I was cool.

“My sister used to have pet rabbits, some of the older bully kids spotted them and immediately decided that I was in an intimate relationship with the white one.

“Sometimes I’ll be meeting a client and when I introduce myself they go ‘oh you’re that Tom Logan who did stuff with a rabbit, aren’t you? Hahaha’. It’s hard because I can’t explain the truth without getting angry.”

Logan’s best friend Stephen Malley said: “On the one hand, it does seem ridiculous. But you know what they say, no smoke without a fire.

“I remember Clare Hargreaves from Mr Morris’s tutor group was convinced she saw him with his tongue in the rabbit’s ear.”

Logan said: “It’s just a pet rabbit, it was in a cage thing in the garden, Jesus Christ I never even paid it any attention.

“I think my sister gave it away in the end. Why won’t people just let me live my life?”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Woman marries Ant and Dec

A WOMAN unknowingly married Ant and Dec in a polygamous wedding ceremony in Newcastle.

Bride Ali Astall believed she was marrying either Ant or Dec, only to discover at the end of the ceremony that both presenters were now her husbands.

The Saturday Night Takeway hosts told a shocked Astall of their boyhood agreement to do everything together, including marrying the same woman.

But after her initial horror, Astall admitted it made sense, adding: “I’ve always been attracted to either Ant or Dec.  Now I have found my other two thirds.”

Reverend Bill McKay, who officiated the ceremony, said: ”Some might call a three-person marriage unnatural, but  separating Ant and Dec would be far more unnatural.”

After the ceremony, Ant and Dec addressed guests with pre-scripted, family-friendly banter, with Ant or Dec saying “There’s three people in this marriage,” and Dec or Ant adding  “If you count the bride!”, until they broke for adverts.

The trio also confirmed that they will have equal custody over their large-foreheaded children, who will grow up to have cheeky grins.