Millions registering to vote so they can write obscenities on ballot paper

MILLIONS of people are registering to vote so they can scrawl foul mouthed insults across their worthless ballot paper.

Vast numbers of Britons are keen to ensure they do not miss out on using phrases such as ‘weasel-faced thieving bastards’ in the privacy of the polling booth.

A spokesman for the Electoral Commission said: “We’ve seen a big increase in the number of people who, come polling day, just want to write ‘fucknuggets’ diagonally across the ballot paper.

“But you must register. It would be such a shame if you arrive at the polling station all ready to write ‘eat this, you bunch of corrupt monkey ballsacks’ only to find your name is not on the list.”

Jane Thomson, from Peterborough, said: “I’m going to draw an explicit cartoon.”

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Children ‘know which brand of beer they are drinking’

CHILDREN are more familiar with Fosters lager than McVities biscuits because they prefer beer to Hobnobs.

The Institute for Studies found that children under the age of 16 could name almost all of the beer brands that they drank regularly.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The drinks companies should take heart that they did not waste money on label design. The children do notice and they do remember.

“If anything the companies should make their labels even more distinctive so that the drunkest children do not confuse their favourite beer with a rival product.”

He added: “I would recommend they try pornographic images alongside the more explicit sexual swearwords.

“And I would suggest the same to McVities too.”