Modern youth not starting a subculture unless they get paid for it

TEENAGERS are refusing to start an era-defining subculture unless there’s money involved.

Generation Y kids say they have the raw energy to create something way better than rave or punk, but first they would like to know who’s sponsoring it.

17-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “We’ve got great concepts interweaving music, drugs and politics in radical new ways that will change the world forever.

“But first we need a cash injection to get our subculture through the development stage.

“It’s not like we’re doing this just for the fun of it.

“Ultimately there will be revenue streams from downloads, merch and corporate endorsements. But we need investment capital.”

Teenagers are hinting at something ‘really big’ possibly called ‘Snung’ which over people 30 cannot relate to on any level.

16-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “It’s not just drum machines and weird hats, it’s something altogether different involving psychic powers and colours you can hear.

“But I want the government, my parents or any corporation to give me £60 per hour to think about this, otherwise we’ll all have to keep flogging rave to death, or just being into 80s charty hip hop in a semi-ironic way.””

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Viral captures awkward kiss on cheek after business meeting

AN online video showing a man and a woman unsure how to end a work meeting has gone viral.

The Farewell has become a Youtube sensation, with white-collar viewers relating to uncertainty about whether a single kiss on the cheek, double kiss or handshake is more appropriate in a business context.

The two-minute film shows the end of a real work meeting between 31-year-old Tom Logan and Emma Bradford at a garage doors company.

Logan said: “After a handshake at the start of the meeting, we discussed different types of weather-resistant paint.

“However we got along quite well, with at least five minutes’ small talk covering travel, the weather and annoying expenses forms.

“I thought we’d end things with a brief peck as I didn’t want to seem too old-fashioned. But god, there’s no manual for these things.”

Emma Bradford said: “I stuck my hand out but he just lunged. It was so weird, he got some dribble on the side of my face.”

29-year-old YouTuber Stephen Malley said: “It really moved me, I work for a marketing company where I have to meet female clients all the time.

“Throughout the meetings I’m like, ‘How am I going to end this? What if I go for the kiss and she goes for the shake, or worse still I go for the double kiss and inadvertently land her a smacker on the lips, like I love her?”

“That is literally all I think about at work.”